Hall of the Monkey King

2 unfortunate names i've come across at my job forming one unfortunate sentence, now the topic of one unfortunate post. my name, as you may know is 'shin'. this caused me much distress in my younger years. imagine if you will the cruel machinations of the child's mind. imagine the unbelievable amount of nicknames and bad jokes i was subjected to. one guy actually believed himself clever by calling me 'leg' for about 2 years before i had to save us all by dicing him up and feeding him to some unsuspecting fools in the form of slim jims. ** i was once introduced to a girl who's first response was not "hi, nice to meet you" but chose instead this witicism "people must kick you in the shins alot." i decided that i couldn't be bothered to continue the relationship and ended it before it even began. the curse of my name is that it sounds very similar to another four letter word. and i found myself responding to loud swearing. at parti...

i got this in my e-mail today curtesy of glomgold . Naked man arrested for concealed weapon Sat Nov 4, 12:41 AM ET EL CERRITO, Calif. - A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors - naked - and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said. The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said. John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan. "You can't get much more concealed than that," Horgan said. Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident. Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of pa...

ok, so there i was minding my own business, just a readin' over here , and she decides to put a link that goes here and i can't resist the lure of finding out how many people are named 'shin'. there are 1500 of us. that's right, the shins. and more than, hold on.... MORE THAN 99.9% of us are female. wait a minute while i get my abacus out.....that's MORE THAN 1498.5 of us are female. just under 1 1/2 of us are male. of course, there are '0' people in the US with my brother's first name, so this site could be complete rubbish.

my house is haunted. sometimes i forget. then it reminds me. for some reason it shows up most often around the changing of seasons. it's happened several times now. i'm too lazy to look up the links for my previous posts so go hunting through the archives or just deal without them. it's happened now enough times that i know exactly what's going when it does occur. i have a tendency to sleep on my side. my left side with my back against the wall protecting me from my neighbors. the first time i felt a presence in my room it was in the corner between my door and my tv, which as it turns out is where the guy who occupied the room before me felt it. but then i felt something hovering over me and experienced something that is akin to absolute terror, without the fear. my body becomes paralyzed and i feel the hairs begin to stand up. i feel as though i have been dragged out of deep sleep, no dreams happening here folks. i have lucid dreams so i know. when it first happened ...

there is a portion of time somewhere in me, blocked off in chunks of pre-me, 'me' being the current and up to date version, that spent itself in constant motion. moment chained to moment with shackles made partially of vibrance and partially of adrenaline dipped in a rainbow well of emotion. sleep was for the weak and what little bit i dabbled in came in spurts and was usually never in the same place. every night was an adventure, a quest, a party and i reveled. amidst this revelry there was a girl. she was an angel, or dressed like one anyway. so i took her with me. i brought her home once, though not my home. nor hers. and only once. in this time and place, faces melted from one to another and very few of us stayed the same, so hers was noticed only because it was near mine. in a half a dozen cycles of the moon i learned i'd made a mistake. this, in a time when mistakes did not exist. and so i waited patiently for this mistake to go away. eventually it did, t...

early friday morning i was lost on elm st. that's right, Elm St....on Friday the 13th....with Halloween just around the corner....chased by the Army of Darkness. btw does anyone know why blogger sometimes only uploads a fraction of a picture? see well, they look ok there but if you enlarge any of them, WHAMMO!....only portions.

hello hello! after last nights debacle with frying chicken i was worried that i might have to hang up my spatula and give up cooking altogether. but tonight i may have redeemed myself with the remaining better batter dipped bird of potential sustenance. mmmmMmmmm. that was some tasty chicken. super crispy skin with all sorts of herbs and spices. too bad you can not have any. ps why the fuck can i not use the apostrophe? every time i hit it a little "find text" window pops up at the bottom of my screen? what sort of voodoo is this? malarky also...i'm reading The Man Who Japed

have you ever had one of those awkward moments where you run into someone from your past. and then you realize you really didn't want to run into them. and then you realize that they realize that you never wanted to run into them? but it's too late because you've already entered into that "hey i recognize you" hug. my life is like that.

so...i'm not a culinary genius. let's get that right out in front. not a culinary genius . rooting through my fridge i noticed that i was pretty much out of food that didn't come in a cardboard box or can. so i decided to grab what leftovers were around and dropped them all in a pot and let it stew. so a little dab of cooking oil, some curry (yellow and red), bits of chicken, a potato, a good bit of onion, some coconut milk, string beans, a small rock of sugar, some bay leaves and a pinch of tumeric. yep, a masterpiece it was not. edible, not like my first turn at sweet and sour pork which had to be taken out back stomped on, cursed at, set afire and buried. i lost years of my life on that outing. this time it was just a little too sweet (next time a pebble of sugar) and should have been a bit spicier. also it was missing something, but i don't know what yet. if you figure it out, let me know. here's a weird video (sorry kris) , star trek meets nin and uh.... t...

i just had the most grueling conversation ever....wait let me make that bold and enlarge it to emphasize my point... EVER . it seems my purchase of the Indiana Jones boxed set entitled me to a free subscription to Entertainment Weekly. once upon a time, it was mediocre, and amidst this mediocrity i began making actual payments for this small modicum of pleasure and insight into the entertainment industry. sometime during the last year, they must have gone through some sort of staffing shifts or editors may have been shot, i dunno. this mediocresque pamphlet sunk into the category of trash. that's right, i can't even wipe my ass with it because of it's glossy coated paper. if i was interested in American Idol, Desperate Housewives or any sort of cheap celebrity gossip with an almost good facimile of snarkiness it might be worth my time to actually glance through it. but....i'm not. so it has now gotten to the point where i've actually grabbed the thing out of my m...

yesterday, i saw things i'd never once considered before. on the way home from work i came across a car, of the SUV variety parked......on another SUV. or rather parked in the 2 ft of space between SUV number 2 and the median. also, instead of fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview mirror of a passing car i saw a stethoscope. how original, how fancy, how absurd.

this is what i say. brace yourself, click this > link thank you i found this curtesy of the Dooce . now give me money.

what a long and crappy day. that's right. long. and crappy. but then wait...what's this? what did the Amazon fairy leave under my pillow? why it's The Tick vs Season One, and Arrested Development Season 3 and Cemetery Man. woohoo!!

i've recently just finished reading The Lathe of Heaven (Ursula K Leguin) which was a nice reality bending bit of sci-fi, have not seen either movie version yet but plan on it soon. currently i'm working my way through The Name of the Rose (Umberto Eco). The movie is like an abridged version of the book. the director obviously took some liberties in getting the ideas across to a mass audience. still a good movie. also, currently am in the midst of Killing Time (Caleb Carr). i really liked The Alienist and enjoyed The Angel of Darkness . however, i think maybe he should stick to period mystery novels and leave the sci-fi to those better suited for it like William Gibson or Phillip K Dick . i do profess an nodding interest in his book Lessons in Terror . apparently written prior to the war in Iraq (ie. "war on terror". i'll come back to this.....maybe). have just started with The Andromeda Strain (Michael Crichton) and am looking forward to getting int...

i'm going out for coffee. anybody want some? ADDITION: Jowlers!!!

a good way to tell when you need new underwear is if while your out walking about you find that while your pants may still be up, your drawers are somehow around your knees. if after taking off your t-shirt you notice your vision is blurry, check to see if your glasses are in the pile of shirt. leaving the freezer door ajar, causes things inside to become soft and squishy. so if you grab an ice pop expect to eat it very fast or drink it. if you think it was a shart. it probably was. don't do it again.

as you may have noticed, i've become deliquent in my blogging. i blame the liberal media. oh wait, i don't have any media exposure anymore. alas, no tv, internet privileges revoked at work via threats of firings, radio is out because i may accidentally hear some of this new emo-esque garbage the world might end if i hear dashboard confessional. or is that out now? i'm so 5 minutes ago i don't even know what's out there not to like! i hear nickleback is out there ripping themselves off some more though. here if you haven't heard this yet. (it still makes me laugh) hopefully the carbon copy nu-metal phase has moved on too. so....one of the reasons i haven't kept up with this here blog is that my life is stagnating again. and i haven't the gumption to unstagnify it. there's only so much i can gripe about my work environment before even i feel the need to blast a handful of knuckles through my face. i haven't even had any more "my pants ...

why do i love break dancing? and good guitarists too.

i haven't really had time/mental wherewithal to blog lately. you may have noticed this. then again, maybe you haven't. regardless, here i am because i had to share this with you. a few posts back, i put a link up that had something or other to do with witchcraft. now i never gave them my e-mail addr but each of their e-mails show up in my inbox addressed to 'monkey'. ie. "monkey, we're confused...." or "monkey, why are they so mad?" or most recently "i am looking for you monkey." (actual e-mail titles.) now, i know they are pretty much just spam. even though on their site, at the very bottom Note: We will never spam, sell or rent your email address. We hate spam as much as you do. but i was curious why they would be looking for me. apparently there is a very secret club that i can join where i will enjoy wealth (of the tremendous variety), health, power and love. currently it is in a beta-testing mode so my fees have been waived. ...

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