"It's my belief that my big balls should be held every night."*

ah...i've been negligent. tis true, this blogging thing may have been a 2 year flash in the pan. and let me tell you, that's a long time to be standing in cookware with nothing but a trench coat.** but, i believe it's time for me to sink back in. how do i know it's time? well, see, i've got these thoughts i feel i should share with you. right now i'm certain that you are all gripping....well gripping something in eager anticipation for the bountiful truths that i will bestow upon you.

firstly, it occurred to me the other day that if you have a bizarre fetish, not your run of the mill foot fetish, or dom/sub fetish, or even pee fetishes, not the hirsutes or even pony play types, i'm talking throw up fetishes or caprophagia or dress up like a giant baby and be spanked with spatulas by a woman dressed like the wicked witch of the west while singing bay city rollers songs offkey with a twang of elvis, that if you find someone who shares this interest you pretty much have to marry them right on the spot, cuz the chances of you ever finding someone else is pretty slim.

that may have been the most perverse run-on sentence ever. so, i was having a rather long drawn out and painfully trying day and then i came home and found a check for me by my car insurance telling me that i get money back. woohoo!!! actually, it's been a trying week/month/year etc...etc... you know it's bad when mice are shitting in your crockery. let me tell you how much that pleased me. Not....At....All. they even went into the silverware drawer and chewed holes into the balls of the penis straws. and don't ask why there were penis straws, i blame Handjob Whiskey Jackson for that.


secondly, or thirdly, depending on how one counts these things, i have found a potential flaw in my theory that everything that any living thing does supports one of two purposes, that being survival of the individual and survival of the species. the problem is, gossip. what purpose does that serve? i've been giving it some thought and might have an answer. other than the one that says my theory is tripe. i'll wait to see if anyone out there has an answer.

the other day i was at the pharmacy purchasing some pharmaceuticals and decided i would look for some q-tips. i mean, doesn't that sound like something that would be in a pharmacy? nothing, nowhere, no cotton swabs or any of their ilk. thwarted by some marketing flaw.

ok, i smell my baked/fried chicken wafting so, ima go eat yo.

here watch this tampon ad.
or this big fish.
conan makes me laugh. alot
dawn of the dead game





* let's see what sort of traffic that brings.

** did people really ever skulk about in nothing but a trench to show off the goods? do people still do that? i mean, besides the guy with a shiv tucked in his colon.

Comments

Number Mouth said…
I figured the moment I didn't get an email from nary a member of your family/friend tree, that you may be blogging. Hot damn, I was right.

Be careful about the flashing the pan, pubes stink when they're on fire, this I know...

...don't ask.
RuKsaK said…
a two-year flash - that's some serious porno-slo-mo. I wonder how many people do blog past 2 years - I've seen loads come and go and only been doing it two years myself. glad you're still around though - your absence would upset the cosmos somehow - I feel assured of that.
Sara said…
so you found the horny manatee, you pervert.

this post made me laugh. a lot.

forgot about the penis straws. who knows what else i left behind. perhaps i should retrieve them and put them in my new silverware drawer. my new roommates still don't know me very well.
Mr Anigans said…
alli- you ever seen those guys that cut hair with 2 long burning sticks? yeah, well....


ruk- kind of you to say. though i suspect that cosmos and i are at odds. i blame it on carl sagan

sara- too late, them rodents chomped right through the little plastic nutsacks (not to be mistaken with ruksaks) and they became one with the outgoing trash.
I'm finding this impossible to comment upon. However, yes Conan, very funny. Much funnier than Snoopy and Charlie Brown. They're sort of "chuckle, ain't that too durn cute" funny - which is to say anti-funny. Hey, gol darn it, what we need is a race of ANTICOMEDIANS. Like Anti-Folk, 'cept comedians.
RuKsaK said…
Happy New Year to you Shin - hope 2007 will be a superb one.
L said…
happy new year!
{illyria} said…
happy new year!
kim said…
i can think of a lot of things that don't promote survival. like watching "my super sweet 16" on mtv. or anything on mtv for that matter. w/ gossip perhaps you can increase your chances of favorable mating by undermining opponents in a non-physical way, therefore staying in your best non-injured matable shape. or you could learn about hot mating prospects. ah, mating...

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