Hall of the Monkey King

while i do have a vast array of peculiar stories in my arsenal, there comes a time when the last hidden surprise must be revealed. i've fired off many of them here on this blog. today i blasted one across the lunch table. the air was of the solid sort and there was a hot pocket on my plate. it was agreed by everyone that i have "the weirdest things" happen to me. i'm always amazed by that. granted i've had a years worth of half hour intervals to share a few bits so they do have a shortened view of who i am. but i still took it as a challenge. some of you may remember a story i had started a long while ago. i never finished it here because in the midst of telling it, it started up again. but it was a tease and it thrilled me for a moment before dropping face first into absolutely nothing. some highlights of the story involved a rehab, some cops, a car chase, a stake out, some madness and a girl. so there i was rambling out this story, because for some reason i d...

today, yes today...it made me wish i was smoking again. but due to this inexplicable want for some sort of anonymity i will forgo (forego? it doesn't look right. what the fuck is wrong with this word?) explanations, that and my boss seems like the kind of guy who would fire you for talking about the workplace. some of you may have noticed that i have cleverly avoided any details about where i work with the exception of the halfwits i work with and the cubicles. god the cubicles, how i dream of rending them in a hulkish fury. and since i'm a creature of habit i will stick with this formula. today i heard someone mocking a (client? customer? poor sap who's money is being fleeced right out the pocket for items sold, services rendered, the pleasure of our company?) for using the word ' expediate ' instead of ' expedite '. what a fool, 'expediate', laughs all around. apparently, we're all a lot smarter than those quarterwits we deal with. links hol...

so, what exactly is intelligence? is it academic? is it a 4.0 avg? is it 1600 SAT scores? what i remember of my highschool and college years was that to get a good grade you simply needed to parrot what the teacher had already said. in fact most of my papers were simply rewordings, paraphrasing of what the teacher had said early on. is that knowledge? if so then, isn't it subjective depending upon what one is exposed to? can you develop intelligence then simply by exposing someone to more? or is it inherent within the person already? say you took Tesla from birth and left him to be raised by wolves, would he no longer be intelligent? maybe intelligence is analytical, the ability to take what is given and formulate new ideas, to draw connections between things. if that's the case couldn't wolf raised Tesla be just as smart, just as able to make connections to draw ideas? or maybe it isn't inherent and must be fostered. then could not anyone be able to be Tesla , give...

if you share conjoined driveways with your neighbors and you live on a busy highway, don't f#$%ing park your car at a 45 degree angle taking up 3/4 of the driveway entrance!!! i had to freakin' back my car into the highway during rushhour traffic to get the proper trajectory to enter my driveway without damaging either vehicle and that involved a small portion of lawn. i like my neighbors, they are generally nice people, you know for someone who speaks in tongues and has a log cabin inside their house (yes inside. i have not been able to get in there to verify it but that's because i value my health.) sure they have a mountain of garbage piled in front of the rusted metal barn, but who doesn't these days. but sometimes the creative parking they do really pisses me off. we already let them park in our back yard so why do they keep leaving their cars smack in the middle of the driveway keeping anyone from coming in or going out? why?!?? WHY, BANJO,WHY!?!?!???!

i was just at Wendy's eating a healthy meal of frescata club sandwich and baked potato when i looked out the window from my 2 feet of table space and saw someone get out of his truck and walk across the parking lot to throw his trash out. nothing odd there. perfectly natural and possibly even environmentally concious. but then when he got back to his truck he threw his cup out of the window into the parking lot. why would he even bother pretending the first time?