The Dreaming
Like a fetid dream given form, I pass through in a cloud of sedated disbelief. Shambling through the dreck of reality, I wonder when the glamour rubbed off. I wonder when the empty of within stained the without. Or maybe it's the other way around. Draped in doubts, a shroud woven from some distant cousin to distrust, with which I've hidden myself, I while away my days, wrapped in some strange somber solace.
I used to get lost just so I could find myself. There was a comfort, in being found. A peace that came with knowing, right from wrong, left from right. An anchor, to hold me through the maelstrom.
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I don't know when it happened.It seems my brain has redefined itself. Dreams used to slop about in my head leaving wisps behind for me to muse upon, vivid and lucid. Once, I saw the end of the universe....twice. I remember a homeless man trying to sell me meat. It was green, and gave the air a dirty tang. He needed money, so he could buy some food. Soon after I found myself shoving alligators into people's basement windows. I remember a disc, small enough to be called a frisbee, large enough to hold me and all of my closest friends. We rode it down a steep hill, paved and angry. At the bottom was a wooden tub filled with rabbit fetuses. I once had a painful growth that I had surgically/magically removed from my neck. Only to have it return, in the small of my back, a bony metal enmeshed protrusion. It gave me access to cable tv. I've danced with the undead, I've bartered with alien half-people, I've shopped with grizzly bears. Even the waking world held wonders.
Lately, it seems as though, my dreams, if I even have them, are merely extensions of my day, mundane and banal. I've wondered, if dreams are a reflection of who we are, what is it about me that has changed? What have I lost? How do I find it again? And can I find it again? If it was innocence....am I fucked?
I've been told by many people that I've grown up in the past few years. My father told me he was proud. Others have told me that I've shed my naivete. It seems to be the general consensus. And I feel dead.
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originally i had planned on posting this last night. but i thought it was maybe a little too morose. it also contains some thoughts i hadn't finished thinking.
but then, i thought, fuck it.
I used to get lost just so I could find myself. There was a comfort, in being found. A peace that came with knowing, right from wrong, left from right. An anchor, to hold me through the maelstrom.
======================================================
I don't know when it happened.It seems my brain has redefined itself. Dreams used to slop about in my head leaving wisps behind for me to muse upon, vivid and lucid. Once, I saw the end of the universe....twice. I remember a homeless man trying to sell me meat. It was green, and gave the air a dirty tang. He needed money, so he could buy some food. Soon after I found myself shoving alligators into people's basement windows. I remember a disc, small enough to be called a frisbee, large enough to hold me and all of my closest friends. We rode it down a steep hill, paved and angry. At the bottom was a wooden tub filled with rabbit fetuses. I once had a painful growth that I had surgically/magically removed from my neck. Only to have it return, in the small of my back, a bony metal enmeshed protrusion. It gave me access to cable tv. I've danced with the undead, I've bartered with alien half-people, I've shopped with grizzly bears. Even the waking world held wonders.
Lately, it seems as though, my dreams, if I even have them, are merely extensions of my day, mundane and banal. I've wondered, if dreams are a reflection of who we are, what is it about me that has changed? What have I lost? How do I find it again? And can I find it again? If it was innocence....am I fucked?
I've been told by many people that I've grown up in the past few years. My father told me he was proud. Others have told me that I've shed my naivete. It seems to be the general consensus. And I feel dead.
=======================================================
originally i had planned on posting this last night. but i thought it was maybe a little too morose. it also contains some thoughts i hadn't finished thinking.
but then, i thought, fuck it.
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