please....enjoy....
i just had the most grueling conversation ever....wait let me make that bold and enlarge it to emphasize my point...EVER. it seems my purchase of the Indiana Jones boxed set entitled me to a free subscription to Entertainment Weekly. once upon a time, it was mediocre, and amidst this mediocrity i began making actual payments for this small modicum of pleasure and insight into the entertainment industry. sometime during the last year, they must have gone through some sort of staffing shifts or editors may have been shot, i dunno. this mediocresque pamphlet sunk into the category of trash. that's right, i can't even wipe my ass with it because of it's glossy coated paper. if i was interested in American Idol, Desperate Housewives or any sort of cheap celebrity gossip with an almost good facimile of snarkiness it might be worth my time to actually glance through it. but....i'm not. so it has now gotten to the point where i've actually grabbed the thing out of my mailbox and dropped it straight into the trash with all the junkmail.
with that in mind, i have finally decided to cancel this subscription (this is the point we all celebrate. yay!!!). through various teleprompts and recorded messages i weaved my way through to the glorious "we're sorry you canceled but you will be credited to your card if any payments have been made." ah...sweet freedom....the last vestige of american pop culture has been purged from my life.
now....that wasn't the grueling part. what i realized when she (the recorded voice you all know and love) told me i would be credited back to my card, but it could take 30-60 days. wait a minute, says i, that's all fine and dandy but the card it happens to be on is one i never use anymore. in fact, the only time those guys get a check from me is the yearly chunk of change that gets syphoned out of me by the "not even good for toilet paper" subscription. now, i would rather not pay them for something that's going to be credited back, but if they take their time crediting me then i might get stuck with a late fee and well that's money out of my pocket because i don't want to pay for trash i'm not getting. this would not do.
here's a break in the post so you can please enjoy some news and some chalk drawings.
and look, someone decided to deep fry coke. and in case you want to bust some demons (free delivery. deliverence, get it?). and finally a kid licking a pig. now back to our regularly scheduled rant.
since i already had the phone in my hand i made it send me to the magical land of teleprompts again so i could see about not being charged. oddly enough, within the first 30 seconds of my conversation with a live person i was looking for ways to get back to the teleprompt. he had a good thick accent, one that bludgeoned my ears with joy and the opposite of communication. as my ears bled with the underwhelming pleasure of this exchange i navigated my way through answers to questions i didn't ask and a stern reprimand/warning about making the payment on-time (regardless of the fact i have only just received my bill today) to the answer "yes, if you end up with a credit on your card you may call and request it to be refunded to you as a check." well alright then, that seems to be the long way of going about it but i understand, to enjoy ease in commerce, it must be difficult and confusing. all well and good. "expect a call from me next month", i said.
"but, wait, i would like to talk to you about one thing before you go..."
right here is where you can call me a jackass because i let him finish that sentence. this sentence lasted about 10 minutes. there was talk of "protection plans" and "free (this and that)". i think it was about there 36th time he said "please enjoy our free $15 rebate" that i finally decided it was time to get off the phone one way or another. i told him i wasn't interested but he "urged" me to take advantage and "enjoy our free $15 rebate". since that tactic didn't work i switched to try and catch him off guard. so when he asked me again i said "sure go ahead" to which he responded "please if you would just answer 'yes' or 'no'. you could enjoy our free $15 rebate". i tried again "yeah go ahead" and his response was " sir if you would just say 'yes' or 'no'. you could enjoy our free $15 rebate." at this point i was just plain confused and could feel the cancer growing in my head from having this phone next to it. "you know what, since i just said 'yes' twice and you just asked me that again, forget it. i'm not interested."
"i apologize sir, if i said anything wrong, but you could enjoy our free $15 rebate. if you sign up for our protection plan, at no cost to you for 30 days you could enjoy our free $15 rebate."
"look i'm not interested, have a good day."
"but sir, i apologize but you should enjoy our free $15 rebate."
"tell you what i'm going to do. i'm going to hang up now because i'm not interested. have a good day." cli<"please enjoy our.."> ck.
with that in mind, i have finally decided to cancel this subscription (this is the point we all celebrate. yay!!!). through various teleprompts and recorded messages i weaved my way through to the glorious "we're sorry you canceled but you will be credited to your card if any payments have been made." ah...sweet freedom....the last vestige of american pop culture has been purged from my life.
now....that wasn't the grueling part. what i realized when she (the recorded voice you all know and love) told me i would be credited back to my card, but it could take 30-60 days. wait a minute, says i, that's all fine and dandy but the card it happens to be on is one i never use anymore. in fact, the only time those guys get a check from me is the yearly chunk of change that gets syphoned out of me by the "not even good for toilet paper" subscription. now, i would rather not pay them for something that's going to be credited back, but if they take their time crediting me then i might get stuck with a late fee and well that's money out of my pocket because i don't want to pay for trash i'm not getting. this would not do.
here's a break in the post so you can please enjoy some news and some chalk drawings.
and look, someone decided to deep fry coke. and in case you want to bust some demons (free delivery. deliverence, get it?). and finally a kid licking a pig. now back to our regularly scheduled rant.
since i already had the phone in my hand i made it send me to the magical land of teleprompts again so i could see about not being charged. oddly enough, within the first 30 seconds of my conversation with a live person i was looking for ways to get back to the teleprompt. he had a good thick accent, one that bludgeoned my ears with joy and the opposite of communication. as my ears bled with the underwhelming pleasure of this exchange i navigated my way through answers to questions i didn't ask and a stern reprimand/warning about making the payment on-time (regardless of the fact i have only just received my bill today) to the answer "yes, if you end up with a credit on your card you may call and request it to be refunded to you as a check." well alright then, that seems to be the long way of going about it but i understand, to enjoy ease in commerce, it must be difficult and confusing. all well and good. "expect a call from me next month", i said.
"but, wait, i would like to talk to you about one thing before you go..."
right here is where you can call me a jackass because i let him finish that sentence. this sentence lasted about 10 minutes. there was talk of "protection plans" and "free (this and that)". i think it was about there 36th time he said "please enjoy our free $15 rebate" that i finally decided it was time to get off the phone one way or another. i told him i wasn't interested but he "urged" me to take advantage and "enjoy our free $15 rebate". since that tactic didn't work i switched to try and catch him off guard. so when he asked me again i said "sure go ahead" to which he responded "please if you would just answer 'yes' or 'no'. you could enjoy our free $15 rebate". i tried again "yeah go ahead" and his response was " sir if you would just say 'yes' or 'no'. you could enjoy our free $15 rebate." at this point i was just plain confused and could feel the cancer growing in my head from having this phone next to it. "you know what, since i just said 'yes' twice and you just asked me that again, forget it. i'm not interested."
"i apologize sir, if i said anything wrong, but you could enjoy our free $15 rebate. if you sign up for our protection plan, at no cost to you for 30 days you could enjoy our free $15 rebate."
"look i'm not interested, have a good day."
"but sir, i apologize but you should enjoy our free $15 rebate."
"tell you what i'm going to do. i'm going to hang up now because i'm not interested. have a good day." cli<"please enjoy our.."> ck.
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