Hall of the Monkey King

There was a place we would go sometimes, when we were young, for quick thrills. To tease the fates. Urban legends grew here in clumps, sometimes creating shadows where truth would hide in dark nervous little pockets. There was a reservoir tucked deep in the woods that covered a piece of land too vast for any of us to know. What little we did see was just a bit in and was occasionally pock marked with buck shot. We found the shell of an abandoned school bus once. Around it was littered all manner of trash marking what didn't, just then, belong to the trees. Along the outer rim of the woods were communities that lived like imitations of suburbia. My favorite art teacher lived in one of these. The house he lived in was one he had built and he had left it the color of wood. I was never inside but did get the $3 tour of his back yard. The space he had staked out was cut from the forest and was just big enough to fit a baseball diamond, a basketball court and plenty of room for his horse...

look at this crazy tree i found...

a question that is. well for those of you who may still be reading this. i suppose the guys could answer too. now....i happen to have a friend. it's true. and her first boyfriend was hung like a thumb. her thumb. and she was a pint sized lady. when i found this out i asked another friend of mine how she would react if she met some guy and things were going absolutely great and when she went home with him, she saw his third thumb. her response was, "i'd be pissed!!". i once dated a girl who ha been with a guy who was "so small it made (her) sick!". i never knew you could be so small that a girl could be sick over it....or angry. i came across another girl who was with a guy we'll call "quickdraw mcgraw". i also knew a girl who dated a guy who was hung like a bic lighter, a quick shooter and narcoleptic. so before she could ask "is it in yet?" he was asleep already. so the question is which would piss you off more? mr "in...

oi, here's a tip. if you happen to want to stay quit from smoking, just keep a stale ass cigarette around for when those nic-fits get real unbearable. then not only will you stay away from tobacco, but you will also want to vomit your innards all over the carpet. see? no smokes, weight loss and fashionable interior design all at once. so yesterday i was getting my car inspected, and while that really isn't interesting at all it's what i was going to do when i saw teen america waving a giant flag on the side of the highway. why was he so patriotic? well, he was selling flowers see. yeah, that's where i got stuck too. anyway, i've been sitting here pondering what it was that i may have done in a past life to ensure that i have this lovely karma i wear. for some reason when my former roommate left he had his mail forwarded, well that part makes sense, this part has me slightly flummoxed though, the post office decided that none of us would get our mail now. we discover...

indescribably tired and cold. which apparently isn't a word. i think i mentioned some time ago about my house hauntings. it's been some time since it's woken me up with it's curiousity. though i have noticed that if i haven't gone past REM by 4:00 or 5:00 am, it will wake my ass up. for those of you who know, i found another towel. this makes 4 mystery towels. i don't know if anyone has ever heard of this kind of business. because i haven't. unless my roommate is fucking with me (though i don't believe he is), i cannot explain why we have had so many towels just show up. 3 of the 4 towels were either draped on my amp, laid across my classical guitar case or stuffed with my other guitars upstairs. we did a quick search around the house. there are now a total of 11 towels here. 7 of these are accounted for (this includes the ones that previously appeared) which means there have been three towels in our bathroom just hanging there that we all thought belon...

ok, i finally got onto blogger but i'm too tired to type up anything worth reading. so i'll feed you some links. safe for work links: pantless man demands water feed the monkey ....please. someone's selling a really big peanut . (i can't believe the bidding is $21) i'm not sure this is worth the wait but... heh .... very sad beer commercial ...sad evil animals these are some serious magnets ! i didn't check these out. download at own risk. i want one ! some sort of star wars knockoffy kind of thing. i only read the headline . a lot of pi . game .... wow.... he lost ....to noone ???? beaver player arrested with homosexual sheep. some scripts for Full House . hmmmm.... maybe safe for work: "i need soles !" i like how they watched the whole plotless thing . what ?!! his name is hyena?!? organize your sex toys waterproof vibrators , shaped like a rubber ducky not sure how i feel about this that's just twisted ! cat deformities . not safe for w...

so i decided that the red was killing me...no matter what color print i used...it was hard to read. so i re-built the template. let me know if it looks fucked on your browser. and if it does, what browser you're using. also, i've been negligent in my blogging and my blog surfing (i still don't like that word 'blog'. couldn't they have come up with a better word?). one of the blogs i've been neglecting is this one, Alli's (of Tof Reknin fame) 63 Days . you should go... it's an amazing story. it will move you, i swear. +--------------------------------------------------------------------+ So when I first started this blog, I was just looking for a place to dump some monkey pictures. I put this together real fast named it Hall of the Monkey King, for several reasons. One is the obvious Monkey part, two, I've always been kind of fond of Grieg and three, the Monkey King was one of my favorite stories from chinese mythology. It also happens to be one...

what the hell is it that i eat that my body transforms into an endless supply of snot?

in my search for a taste of bliss, i've encountered many an idea. i painted with dreams, blurred reality in escape, laughed aloud in quiet cruelty. even ignorance played my game. can you impose ignorance? can you regain it? toss knowledge out the car window on the Parkway? i would like to bottle it and sell it on the black market for a quarter oz. of bliss. or isn't it true? ignorance has a reputation. it comes with baggage and to court with it is to accept and deal with it's history. or perhaps not. perhaps it simply becomes. i don't know if i am ignorant. i suspect not, as i have a tendency to dissect, in all it's minutia, every moment of every event in time or life that passes before me and how it plays upon/preys upon me. but then...maybe i'm too wrapped up in the me to see. concepts like love also share this aspect with ignorance. and i tapped out a rhythm to it's melody, believing. it is noble in character but it isn't what we think and it's po...

Well, well. What do we have here? Another segment of crackhead tales. first next next again +------------------------------------------------------------------------------+ The result of my car getting hit was tremendous. I still had a lien on it which needed to be paid off in full (because I didn't get GAP insurance). The car I rented to get me around......got hit (again with the no insurance). Also I needed to find a replacement car quick. Now, with the Crackhead stealing, and the car issues I was in the hole for about $4000. Just like that. Slowly I sank into a deep depression and discovered some recessive traits, possibly inherited from dear ol dad. Stress was a constant for the remainder of the year. Whenever I wasn't home I was aware that had he really wanted to, he could have simply knocked the doors in to get to my stuff, deadbolt or no. My other roommate solved this issue by not owning anything of value. This still didn't solve the no bill payin' problem. Eve...

This is still a continuation. start here . then go here . and if you still feel like reading...well.... +--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Now to be fair, I can't say for certain what the specific category of trash he belonged to was. I refer to him as the 'crackhead' as a term of endearment. Only...the opposite of endearment. Also, he may have been smoking crack. For the first week he was there, everything seemed dandy. And I rarely use the word dandy. He had a job, rent went down. Good times. In the second week things sank into the dark abyss that had become my reality. I came home from work, tired and weary. What do you suppose I found when I got there? You guessed it, a lady of the night, a working girl, tramp, crackwhore. Mayhaps I judged her too quick you might be thinking. And you might be right, but she was wearing a whores uniform. Didn't you guess that? My new roommate came slurring up to me. ...

This is a continuation of the post below. I was pulled away by the lure of other things and now I've returned, but I can't seem to remember what exactly I was about to lead to. But the brave soul I am, I will forge ahead anyway. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+ The actual sequence of events in this period of my life is somewhat hazy now. I'll tell em anyway so you can revel in them. The beginning of the spiraling was the ending of a relationship I had believed durable and true. As I've discovered in the next few years, I am wrong about many things. There was a night she stayed over that was a little unnerving. As I mentioned below, we lived next to a grade school. The bark of gunfire just outside my window dragged us both out of deep slumber. Shaking off sleep I wandered to the window to try and figure out what it was I had heard. There was nothing to see and I was just about to climb back in be...

Years ago, I lived in a two story hovel just smack in between the 'nice' neighborhood and what would slowly decline into 'The Hood' were you to travel a bit. Some say the house was haunted. Some say. I found the gateway to Hell, all be it a more personal variety. I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's step back a moment shall we? As I said, the house had two levels. It was a big white obstruction that blocked the way between the school and the neighbors who neglected their dogs. If you looked carefully you could see hidden in the shadows a strip of nails spiked out along one of the overhanging bits of roof. This was just outside of the room that would one day provide sanctuary for a crackhead. The lower level was occupied by the landlord and his wife. He happened to be the Sandman on Showtime at the Apollo. You know, the guy who hooks the crappy performers. His wife was a tightly wound bundle of anti-joy and half a set of identical twins. I once overheard the sister...

some time ago i had posted about a little problem i had with rodents invading my domicile. i may have mentioned the fact that they loved shitting in the silverware drawer. well, they're back and they brought some extra bowels with them this time. i may have also mentioned at some point that i got a new job which i start next monday. today began the first of the farewells at my current job. it turns out that even though the present job burns the joy out of my life, it is more difficult to leave than i thought. there are certainly going to be people i'm going to miss. but then the demon on wheels came and reminded me why it was i wanted to escape. for those of you who don't know. she is about 2 feet tall, but her ass, tits and hands are normal sized. her personality is like the inside of a public restroom. and she molested me. ach! my car is now fixed.....again. i've renamed her Target. pronounced Tar-zhay. (phonetics provided by SharkLikeAFox . any difficulties should...

i've been considering taking some serious hallucinagens. so one of my ex-girlfriends used to tell me i was a music snob. i suppose she was right. the lesson here is that to steal someone's soul you have to get to know them pretty well. so here's half a list of bands i wish i never heard: 1. Sum 41- these guys have a distinctive sound. it's just that it's other people's distinctive sound. 2. Course of Nature- the bastard offspring of Creed and Huey Lewis. (though i forget what Huey sounds like. i could be making this up, but it sounds good, right?) 3. Nickleback- because they ripped themselves off. here listen. 4. 12 Girls Band- nothing is worse than listening to classical music with a cheesy casio keyboard drumbeat behind it. they make me feel bad about being chinese. 5. LFO- ummm...do i really need to clarify this one? i know there are plenty more....but for some reason they escape me at this moment. so instead... more links!! newsclippings: chainsaw att...