new past living experiences
my nose is doing some serious itching right now kids. doesn't that signify something sinister? speaking of which...within the past week, i have witnessed a fight, almost been a part of one, and witnessed the possibility of another. this good luck coin of mine isn't doing it's work. i'm gonna have to beat up that old guy what gave it to me.
so a few thoughts i would like to share. i just read a story about the great turkey heist of 2004. this has become one of my favorite blog stops. my recommendation is to go there yerself. (she seems to like the word 'terlit' so be careful with it's usage) i think i mentioned the turkey that got itself stole from my house years back.
also in this house....whew, if you thought the kitchen from the other day was bad....this one should have gotten the house condemned. when i had moved in (because of the stupid racist guy who lived in the house across the street. the house i was living in til i realized that i was going to kill his sorry ass if i didn't leave, i'll tell you about him in my next paragraph) the kitchen had been sealed by this horrid plastic wrap. curiousity got the best of me and i ventured forth against the warnings dropped in my way. the first thing to be noticed was the garbage piled up near the back door. (see, i should have known from this moment that my life was ruined). the next thing was the refridgerator that had been gutted several parties ago to become the 'kegerator', there was a tap in the door. but this too was in disrepair. stacks upon stacks of dishes decorated the countertops. and not a single one of them clean. when i turned on the faucet, flies came out. (seriously) and boy....the smell....i've spent years trying to locate and burnout the spot on my brain that recorded that smell. having been partially successful, you will just have to imagine it.
the racist guy that made this seem like a better choice really sucked. there were 9 of us living in this house. it was huge, four full baths...8 bedrooms...two common areas...one large kitchen. like a small dorm. everyone who lived here was cool. this being, an ex of mine, and her then boyfriend (that was a little weird too) her best friend (and her cat, Dr. Fleas J. Foofersnot. she called him walnut, noone else did.) a girl who slept with (i think, though noone admits it) 3/5 of my band, and 2/3 of my neighbors band. she tried to rope me in one night, but i told her i had to leave, see...she was crazy and i knew it...but she did give a really good massage. this couple that shared a room, took the same classes, and worked the same shifts at the same job(he made these weird moosesque noises during sex). this philipino guy who had two of the nicest cars i'd ever seen and two of the hottest girlfriends i'd ever met. he would throw these crazy dance parties in the basement, absolutely surreal. a roomful of asians gettin' jiggy to some latin salsa. this big guy who was way cool and about a foot and half taller than me. he was half black half native american. sometimes he would have a girl over, then sneak out, knock on my door and say "hey you wanna get a blowjob? i'll leave the room." nice of him, but all i could think was "yeah but she's got a mouth full of leftover you." anyway, over x-mas break this joker (the racist) moves in. since there were so many of us we all thought that someone else had ok'd him. turns out...no....we didn't, he went to the landlord and told him we were all ok with it. sneaky bastard. in his time there, things started disappearing. nintendo games, and controllers (don't mess with a man's gaming system boy, you can get hurt) he set up a barber shop right outside my bedroom door, so everyday i'd wake up and see a bunch of gangstas hanging out waiting for a cheap cut. the bastard also watched tv all night long, CRANKED . why? because he couldn't hear it over the damned boombox blaring in his lap. many were the nights i'd hear him yelling back and forth with my pimp friend. went like this.
pimp- "how you be dissin' a brotha like that?"
fuckstick- "a brotha?! you ain't a brotha, you talk to these guys."
so why would this scrawny assed chicken legged barber-shop wannabe punk mother fucker ever even move in? not only did he disrespect all of us. he also cheated on his girlfriend when she went away for a week. one night he threatened to cut me...in my house....the fuckin' nerve of this guy. took a lot of people and a lot of time to talk me out of beating his sorry ass through every wall in the house. but what actually stopped me was, he put up his dukes (that's right put em right up) and said "let's see what your chinese kung-fu can do." now let me make this clear for those of you who don't know me. i'm not a big guy, but there was no question in anyone's mind who would have come out unscathed. it became so obvious, that i couldn't bring myself to do it. nobody should be that dumb and live that long. to this day i regret not knockin' his block off.
back to the first paragraph. i haven't been in a fight for about 18 years (that one above doesn't count). and the thought occurred to me, i don't want to live with regrets. so...next time i'm in Manville.....well.....he best have his brother with him.
oh and one more thought....after having seen Alexander, i've decided that Oliver Stone, like Will Ferrill is overrated.
so a few thoughts i would like to share. i just read a story about the great turkey heist of 2004. this has become one of my favorite blog stops. my recommendation is to go there yerself. (she seems to like the word 'terlit' so be careful with it's usage) i think i mentioned the turkey that got itself stole from my house years back.
also in this house....whew, if you thought the kitchen from the other day was bad....this one should have gotten the house condemned. when i had moved in (because of the stupid racist guy who lived in the house across the street. the house i was living in til i realized that i was going to kill his sorry ass if i didn't leave, i'll tell you about him in my next paragraph) the kitchen had been sealed by this horrid plastic wrap. curiousity got the best of me and i ventured forth against the warnings dropped in my way. the first thing to be noticed was the garbage piled up near the back door. (see, i should have known from this moment that my life was ruined). the next thing was the refridgerator that had been gutted several parties ago to become the 'kegerator', there was a tap in the door. but this too was in disrepair. stacks upon stacks of dishes decorated the countertops. and not a single one of them clean. when i turned on the faucet, flies came out. (seriously) and boy....the smell....i've spent years trying to locate and burnout the spot on my brain that recorded that smell. having been partially successful, you will just have to imagine it.
the racist guy that made this seem like a better choice really sucked. there were 9 of us living in this house. it was huge, four full baths...8 bedrooms...two common areas...one large kitchen. like a small dorm. everyone who lived here was cool. this being, an ex of mine, and her then boyfriend (that was a little weird too) her best friend (and her cat, Dr. Fleas J. Foofersnot. she called him walnut, noone else did.) a girl who slept with (i think, though noone admits it) 3/5 of my band, and 2/3 of my neighbors band. she tried to rope me in one night, but i told her i had to leave, see...she was crazy and i knew it...but she did give a really good massage. this couple that shared a room, took the same classes, and worked the same shifts at the same job(he made these weird moosesque noises during sex). this philipino guy who had two of the nicest cars i'd ever seen and two of the hottest girlfriends i'd ever met. he would throw these crazy dance parties in the basement, absolutely surreal. a roomful of asians gettin' jiggy to some latin salsa. this big guy who was way cool and about a foot and half taller than me. he was half black half native american. sometimes he would have a girl over, then sneak out, knock on my door and say "hey you wanna get a blowjob? i'll leave the room." nice of him, but all i could think was "yeah but she's got a mouth full of leftover you." anyway, over x-mas break this joker (the racist) moves in. since there were so many of us we all thought that someone else had ok'd him. turns out...no....we didn't, he went to the landlord and told him we were all ok with it. sneaky bastard. in his time there, things started disappearing. nintendo games, and controllers (don't mess with a man's gaming system boy, you can get hurt) he set up a barber shop right outside my bedroom door, so everyday i'd wake up and see a bunch of gangstas hanging out waiting for a cheap cut. the bastard also watched tv all night long, CRANKED . why? because he couldn't hear it over the damned boombox blaring in his lap. many were the nights i'd hear him yelling back and forth with my pimp friend. went like this.
pimp- "how you be dissin' a brotha like that?"
fuckstick- "a brotha?! you ain't a brotha, you talk to these guys."
so why would this scrawny assed chicken legged barber-shop wannabe punk mother fucker ever even move in? not only did he disrespect all of us. he also cheated on his girlfriend when she went away for a week. one night he threatened to cut me...in my house....the fuckin' nerve of this guy. took a lot of people and a lot of time to talk me out of beating his sorry ass through every wall in the house. but what actually stopped me was, he put up his dukes (that's right put em right up) and said "let's see what your chinese kung-fu can do." now let me make this clear for those of you who don't know me. i'm not a big guy, but there was no question in anyone's mind who would have come out unscathed. it became so obvious, that i couldn't bring myself to do it. nobody should be that dumb and live that long. to this day i regret not knockin' his block off.
back to the first paragraph. i haven't been in a fight for about 18 years (that one above doesn't count). and the thought occurred to me, i don't want to live with regrets. so...next time i'm in Manville.....well.....he best have his brother with him.
oh and one more thought....after having seen Alexander, i've decided that Oliver Stone, like Will Ferrill is overrated.
Comments