Hall of the Monkey King

MOSH!!!

Happy Gnu Ear!! i added some gnu music links....

i just ate McDonalds AND Burgerking and boy does my ass stink.

GO SEE HOUSE OF THE FLYING DAGGERS !!!!!! it rocks.... sorry for the green my sharky friend.....

ok folks, i need some help....is the header on this site centered? or does it float to the left? i use firefox for my browser and it's centered. if i use Internet Explorer it goes to the left. But apparently it doesn't do that for everyone. it's meant to be centered. please let me know.... and get me that hat i said! ps. is there anything else that looks funny on this blog? where's my hat?!? btw does anyone have a better job for me? i want to trade mine in.

Somebody get me this hat! Now!! Oh and check out the oldschool pumas too.

here...check out the skeletons of cartoon characters. some pretty sick ass stick fighting videos. this guy actually spends way too much time on this . here's a game that's a lot like breakout but more porn. for those of you that have seen the 30 sec bunny flash movies, here's It's A Wonderful Life . this is either good or it sucks....too bad my volume is fucked again. a dictionary that uses limericks for definitions. this is some fancy dancin' . wait till the mix it up. (why is this at asians.com?) OMG.....don't look here ! hopefully these will be around for a bit. go to e-bay, read the description. anyone snubbed on a christmas bonus will approve. also, check out the feedback from this guy. the world is sinking into oblivion .

i was in a different mood earlier. one that was a bit cheerier by minute degrees. something of a "boy am i glad this day is over" kind of mood. since then, however, it's moved more towards an "i wish my memories had been bleached"sort of thing. much of my life is stuff i'm willing to share in a semi-anonymous pixels in the ether way, but there are many things i won't. some because they will make me seem more human, and others because it will make me seem less so. unfortunately, right now, all of my thoughts fall here. there are several reasons for this so if you happen to be one of them, don't worry because at most you're only partially to blame. most of the time the things that come back to me are strange , disgusting , about sausages , funny , absurd , about crackheads , unbelievable , peculiar or about porn . but sometimes they come back and make me miss things, people, feelings....etc.... so that's me right now.

eewwwww.....stupid mildew and stain remover bottle.....i think i inhaled some fumes....i think my hand got coated permanently in the stuff.....i think i'm turning into the toxic avenger. btw is haloscan being stupid? or is it blogger being stupid? or is it just me? oops....it's just me...must be the fumes.... >gag

this his how i know i'm getting old: 1) i have to card girls now when i meet them 2) there are parts of me that hurt now that i never knew i had 3) when i'm driving on the highway doing 75-80 and someone rolls up on me i yell to them "what? i'm already going 80" 4) sometimes in public i want to slap kids upside the head for being so stupid 5) i have a conscience 6) sometimes i have to turn down the music 7) i got a 401k plan 8) some people look at me funny when i tell them i watched "solid gold" 9) the other day i told someone how long i've been smoking and she said "OMG you've been smoking my entire life" 10) sometimes, i would secretly rather sleep than have sex.... though i'm easily persuaded otherwise.

while i was at work, i typed this up and e-mailed it to myself. it was a productive day. i think there's a place in between asleep and awake. that's where i spend most of my time. lethargy is my god. i'd build an altar for him, but well..... when i get home i'm going to make love to my bed. i'm gonna talk dirty to it.

i have absolutely no idea what the fuck is happening on this site .....someone please tell me. what the.....how did she even know she had this skill ? if you were wondering how to make some gingerbread porn ... this is one hell of a pothole . whoa....a 70 car pile-up . he killed himself with a chainsaw ....man.... velvet vulva purses Hahahaha hahaha hahaha hmmmm.....

today i was approached by a lovely young lass of 19. she discussed music with me and we discovered many common interests. at one point she asked me how old i was and that she thought i was around 18 or 19. and for a brief moment i wished i was because then i wouldn't have had this annoying sensation of guilt that came up and rubbed itself against my leg. in conclusion, today i discovered that i am indeed a sucker for flattery and a pretty face. btw, for those of you who don't know....i'm not even remotely close to 18 or 19. sigh..... does this ever happen to girls my age?

i almost forgot..... aquapets.

i used to know this guy named Alex. for some reason whenever i left the state i would run into him. really, in seattle....in new orleans.... he could never stay put for long...every few monthes he needed to hop on his bike and go to places unknown. last time i saw him he told me of a friend of his in canada that lived in a cave. he lived in a cave and he kept another cave for his chickens. i don't know why i thought of him today or why i remembered the chicken cave...but there you have it. i'm pretty sure i had something profound and wise to share with you all but it seems to have left completely. so instead i will tell you that i learned today that when flushing the toilet, it is possible for tiny bits of feces to launch up to 6 feet away. (i've never seen this but then again....microscopic poop is sure to be around somewhere.) while we're on th topic. what exactly is smell? when you smell an odor, is it some kind of molecule in the air? for example, you can smell pizz...

someone is selling condiments on e-bay. here's how not to be a male pornstar . this looks like it would be good...but the sound on my computer is bust. (is that scott baio?) ok...would this make you cool or a dork? this is weird.... refridgerator magnet letters tatoo! "boss da plane da plane"

go here if you want to see the largest most discolored piece of wax mined from someones ear. ever!

it's been said by many people who have less interesting lives that the strangest and oddest things happen to or around me. in earlier posts i've documented some of the strange characters i've come across and some uncomfortable living situations. i think i also mentioned that i was not aware for years that things were happening like this until a girlfriend of mine pointed it out to me. i suppose that's not entirely true...i mean...my house was staked out once and i was in a (albeit not a very fast one) car chase. so i'm aware that some of the things that happened are a little uncommon. i remember stealing loaves of bread and feeding a bunch of friends for a week. someone else stole some meat and we pitched in for 17 cent worth gasoline to start the grill with. i remember walking into random stores and talking people into giving me free stuff (usually food, sometimes cigarettes) i remember living off of the $20 worth of quarters i got from beating up a newsp...

i was just sitting around feeling sorry for myself when i realized that i've been much worse than this before. like the time when i was sick was laid out for over a week with a fever of 103 and the heat went out for three days. we burned old books and recyclables and pieces of furniture to try to keep me away from the abyss. i was a little delerious at the time. which reminded me that the other day i was going to rant about a newly discovered pet peeve of mine. i was distracted by a very funny lady so i felt it would be a poor time to vent. but now wrapped in the bitter coils of misery i thought i would share with you my mind. the other day i realized that people who consistently respond with "it could be worse...." or "at least..." to any given statement should be drawn and fifthed (if possible) otherwise dipped in syrup and squatted over an anthill. it's ok every-so-often or if used in a humerous way (ie. "boy does our boss suck donkey dick or what?...

earlier on, about 2:00 am...i thought i was suffering from the worst allergy attack that you can aquire from going to my parents house made of dust and mold. but now after having some broken sleep...i realize that what i had actually aquired was the plague. there's oozing going on here. it's like my head is a giant pus-filled balloon that's been carefully attached to every nerve ending in my body. giant invisible midgets are hammering at the shell protecting said balloon. and a swarm of ants have nested in my throat. if it was possible i would shake my fists in anger...but i think i've become a marionette and some twisted demon is controlling my every action. Also, my joints have been coated in acid and all of my muscles have been removed and replaced my facimiles made of jello. damn you bill cosby!

news clippings: he vandalized a hotel with petroleum jelly. this one seems like a lie. cool games: catapult santa supermario has a gun. some random stuff: testicles anyone? Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation . i have no idea what this is or how it works...but i think i like it. Holy Crap!! He made a working grandfather clock out of legos. bad christmas signs . see the losers.

to all you silent vistors, i need some help, i've been trying to make a list of actors who have made cd's or become musicians. here's who i have so far. Johnny Depp (Rock City Angels) Jennifer Love Hewitt Keanu Reeves (Dogstar) Russel Crowe (30 Odd Foot Grunt) Jim Nabors (GOMER PYLE!) Minnie Driver Kevin Bacon (Bacon Brothers) Crispin Glover (Crispin Hellion Glover) Robert Downey Jr. Kathie Lee Gifford (does she count?) William Shatner Leonard Nemoy Jack Wagner ( i don't know him but i trust alli) Danny Aiello Jim Belushi/Dan Aykroyd (Blues Brothers) Danny Romalotti (again...it's all alli) Julliete Lewis Jackie Chan (w/ Ani Difranco) J to the L O Alanis Morrissette (does she count?) Mandy Patinkin (did he sing before Princess Bride?) David Hasselhoff ok that's all i can think of...please feel free to leave a few more (hint hint). also, if you have these songs i would love a copy. "Agonizing is the pain of know...

in this next installment.... a dramatic plot twist.... not long after recieving my sausage , my bandmates/housemates threw a disgusting party . let me repeat that it was disgusting . and after all the debauchery and pumpkin punching...the only thing damaged or taken from our house was....yep...my sausage. a casualty. here's what happened from what i reconstructed. one of my friends saw the sausage lying about my room all by it's lonesome. he thought it might be a funny prank to put it in his roommates jacket pocket. i caught him at it but apparently when i wasn't looking he did it again. this other roommate (also a friend) found it in his pocket when he got home and figured the sausage fairy paid him a visit. so he decided "what providence, i'm going to enjoy this sausage with some crackers." in the midst of this savage misuse of my sausage a third roommate came into the kitchen and caught him. "Holy shit, dude that's the only thing Shin's...

allergies are the bane of my existence. it created a contentious living situation between my father and i. i wanted the misery to end via injections of magic elixer. he wanted to not spend money and have me just "get used to it". jersey air is ripe with pollen and dust mites and pollutants to rupture sinuses with. it wasn't until i moved onto higher learning that he began to see my way. and this only because i skipped a class because my eyes were swollen into melon sized orbs that knocked people over in the streets. his reaction was to yell "why didn't you get allergy shots?!?!" to which i responded "What?!? Gah!!!" i suppose he might have felt some guilt about it because later he came down into the rec room with one of those pre-packaged sausages in each hand. "pick one," suggested he. and so i did. turning he walked back upstairs and muttered...."i'm going to send the other one to your brother." i assume this was...

so....for some time now i've been routing my way through garage sales and flea markets in hopes of finding one of those cuckoo clocks that have the two guys that come out from the sides and meet in the middle where one will bludgeon the other with a large mallet to the chimes. i swear i've seen these things before somewhere. they must exist....if not...i must make them exist. i just don't know anything about making clocks....or making pants, House Pants that is (more on that later, don't want any of you crooks stealing my ideas) on a similar topic...i once told my roommate that i would like to get a pocket watch. unfortunately if i get one, i'll have to get a vest with a pocket to put it in. but how many vests look good with t-shirts? so i also need a black velvet (or velour) vest with blood painted on it and possibly a top hat that has been kicked down a dirt road for a week. that would look good right? oh and a cool cane with a large jungle cat as th...

here's an ongoing story for you all to enjoy. stop on by and vomit onto the site. if yer interested in joining this fiasco drop me a line.

Big Ed's BBQ ripped my heart out and batted it into oncoming traffic. no more gorging myself on so much pork that i feel like puking for a month. bah...i think they just closed too. we were there about a month ago. also this so called meteor shower was barely a drizzle. i think i saw 4 shooting stars tonight. one of them was pretty cool. after that i called it a night because my neck snapped and my nuts burrowed themselves deep within my body. you could cut glass with my nipples it was so cold out. (well, in theory you could cuz if you tried i might punch you.) in other news....we got a couple of the rodents that were looting in our kitchen. not before they crapped in my frying pan though. geez...i hope i don't get some weird mouse hepatitis. also, i discovered today that the world has only existed for about 15 years....everything else is memories implanted by aliens to give the illusion of 'past'. that's why it's always so fuzzy. glitch...

ok...so i added haloscan to my site....so now you can all use that to leave comments. i didn't feel like losing all the comments so far so i left the ole "vile spew" up too. let me know if this fixes some of them problems.

i was tired not that long ago. ok....here's a brief part of my life for you to enjoy. once i lived in a house in Plainfield NJ. for those of you who don't know...Plainfield is pretty ghetto. there are nice parts of Plainfield, but i think it falls into the same category of town as Newark and East Orange, which means "gangstas live there". i lived in small area that was just outside of the nice areas and just a little further outside the badlands. the house was a split level house. meaning, we lived on the second and third floor, and the landlords lived downstairs. (the landlord btw, was The Sandman on Showtime at the Apollo. he hooked the bad people off stage) now, the upstairs part of the house was supposed to be haunted. i never saw anything but my roommate had the lights go on and off randomly in his room. (there are other stories but they don't concern me and unless you ask, i won't tell you) this was the house where i found a hardboiled egg in the terlit....

only about 10 hits a day? what's happened to my popularity? so i thought maybe i should tell you all about who the Monkey King really is. One of the few good memories i had as a kid (most of them involved fear and math....i was expected to understand tan, cos, sin, cot, and shit by third grade) anyway, the Monkey King or Sun WuKong is a mythical/fairytale figure. he was the god of monkeys or some such...very mischievious. he had a staff that he used for fighting that was so heavy that noone else could lift. it could grow and shrink to any size and he kept it in his ear. there were tales of him stealing nectars from the gods, and betting a god(or maybe it was buddha, don't quite remember) he could jump to the end of the earth, only to find these five pillars, to mark his passing he peed. when he returned he explained that he had done it only to have the god/buddha hold out his hand with his fingers smelling like monkey pee. also he had a hat on that wouldn't come off....

as long as the music is loud enough and fast enough there will be a pit . and if there is a pit there may be some crowd surfing. there may even be stage diving or speaker diving. in the pit i have seen people just throwing punches, jumping into each other, throwing each other around. sometimes you see people dancing (ie. "picking up change" "gorilla stance" "high stepping" and some newer ones i probably don't know. my friends and i used to make them up, like "starting the lawn mower" "mopping the floor" "churning butter") but until tonight, i have never seen anyone doing "the twist" in the pit. boy did i feel old tonight. it wasn't so much that the music was loud, it wasn't that i don't dress punk or hardcore or metal or goth anymore, it wasn't that i was taller than most of the people there. it was the fact that things stopped making sense. now, i know that rockabilly or psychobilly...

tonight i'm on the guestlist (+1) to a rockabilly/burlesque show. anyone interested?

apparently as soon as i get a chance to i go nocturnal. it's well after 5:00 am and i'm wide awake. damnit. i spent a year that way just out of high school. yep.... ok some links for ya.... look what's on e-bay .....it's haunted. rules for Calvin ball . find out how gay you are origami vagina "the fine art of male circumcision "?!?!? here are some e-cards for ya. pirate haikus a new boohbah site. something really messed up with these things. ok that's enough.

for your reading enjoyment i will now tell you about my very first car accident. first a little backstory. for some reason my parents didn't/wouldn't help me get my drivers license, so my friend Mike taught me how to drive an hour before i went to go take the test. (i passed too) the very next week i was hanging out with my friend Jay and these two girls Pam and Megan. everyone was drinking except for me, since i'd quit when i was 15. (i'm allergic to alcohol, i found this out the hard way. then my dad told me that it runs in the family 4 years later. good timing dad) ok, so since i had just gotten my license and everyone else was drinking Jay told me to drive for a bit. so i did. i should probably tell you now that i was driving his mom's sportscar. (not a really nice one, but still.) think you know where this is going yet? hah! nope. so we drive around for a while. the girls are in the back seat passing out. Jay's in the passenger seat and he's going down ...

man....i hate when i get home and i'm exhausted so i fall asleep around 11:30 pm and then wake up again around 2:00 and can't sleep again. i hate it. fuck you mediocre sleep habits. so here's a list of some thoughts today: 1) People shouldn't smell like sub sandwiches. 2) I'm so glad i don't live with a crackhead anymore. 3) Grown men who listen to boybands make me uncomfortable. 4) There's a mouse shitting on my silverware and it must be punished. 5) Someone once told me they make a kick ass salad. but seriously, how hard is that? 6) Tupac's got a new album coming out. How many has he made since he "died"? 7) Where the fuck are my clippers?!?! 8) Ocean Spray crangerine drink is ambrosia! Sweet sweet nectar!! 9) Whoever coined the phrase/word "gi-normous" should be beaten. For some reason i couldn't get that word out of my head. 10) Why won't they put the rest of Twin Peaks on DVD? ...

for those of you who used to listen to Pantera . RIP Dimebag, that guitar of yours was really heavy.

just now i happened to look at someone else's list of vinyl and cd's and i commented that i would like their collection when they die. then it occurred to me that that was selfish and morbid and i felt bad briefly. besides it's not like i don't have about 600 cd's of my own already, and a stack of about a hundred records. but wow, about half of her collection was stuff i had on cassette that i never upgraded (the vinyl collecting is a new thing of mine which consists of a lot jazz, funk, and 80's stuff) and until i saw it i forgot that i liked listening to that stuff back in the day. i met an older guy not too long ago who has 2500 dvd's and over 6000 cd's. chances are that our tastes don't overlap that much but i aspire to that. i haven't broke the 300 mark on dvd's yet but am working on it. come to think of it, i have about 300-400 books too. i'm a compulsive collector. so here's a list of things i've collected. 1. CD's 2....

can deodorant/anti-perspirant go bad?

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wow....i just needed to record this . i lifted the link from Jeremy .

some years back i had a girlfriend and with this said girlfriend i often went out to eat, frolic, throw feces at passersby...you know, couple stuff. at a certain Subway one day the guy behind the counter knew me (i never met him before) and some of my friends and so felt he should tell me all sorts of secret personal things about himself while making my sandwich. in all honesty i don't think i listened to him at all because i was busy keeping my stomach from digesting itself. as we left my lady turned to me and said, "i guess i'll have to get used to this." "get used to what?" asks i. "everytime we go out, someone has to come up and talk to you." i had to think about it for a moment, but came to the conclusion that she was right. this was probably when i began to notice this tendency in people in relation to me. it made sense i suppose. i was in a band that was somewhat popular locally. i didn't look or act like most chinese people (ie. h...

in case you didn't know about nickleback. look lesbian action figures. hey....go and enjoy this. "never let your dog eat the towel!" there are still pirates ?!?! i know a lot of people who need this . a zombie boardgame . bug hunting game. meteorite hitting earth. somebody stole spongebob and left a ransom note wow...that is old porn . umm....don't go here. hot dog art can somebody translate this for me? how to flip people off in foreign languages. for the ladies . these guys obviously haven't been to RuKsaK's blog. what the hell kind of fetish is this? Holy Crap a shit machine ! ok that's it. this should help you kill some time.

here's a transcript of a conversation i had once. in the parking lot of a pizzeria/convenient store. enter pre-shorn shin in his automobile. as he parks a homeless man with scraggly hair approaches. two employees see his approach. "hey you! leave our customers alone!" "naw man...he's my bro" he puts his arm around pre-shorn shin and walks him to the door of the convenient store and turns and runs full speed away. entering the building shin wonders what that was all about. after purchasing his packet of tobacco sticks he leaves again. as he exits the building enter homeless man again. putting his arm around pre-shorn shin he walks him to his car. "so how's the car running now that i put that new engine in" he says loudly(so the employees can hear) "um....it's running great. thanks" as pre-shorn shin gets in his car, homeless bum squats between the door and escape. ...

for some reason, my soggy brain yanked me out of sleep in a panic because it thought i was late for work. after scrambling around and getting myself ready, i realize i have an hour to kill now. stupid brain.

i only had those links up for a day and half of them were shot. (former post that i removed) that'll learn me. insomnia is like a friend that has overstayed it's welcome. only...one of those friends you don't really like and was never really you're friend anyway and actually just hates your ass and sticks around to mess with your head. that sort of friend. i am now the proud owner of the Spiderman 2 Giftset. and boy does that movie kick ass. beats me silly with all sorts of child hoods remembered. some aren't even mine. hell...i'm not even sure i had one but boy do i now. woohoo! i'm gonna go get me a spidey suit and hang out in the park! thanks to my brother i have now consumed an unhealthy amount of goldfish. i think i may burst into a cheddary ball of muck at any moment. i need to shave my dome piece again. ps. someone do my christmas shopping for me. please?