earlier on this week i mentioned that i liked nothing more than waiting for plumbers. apparently i lied. forgive me though, i wasn't aware of it at the time. today i experienced something that opened my eyes (metaphorically, because in reality i had them shut tight to hide the truth they held from the one administering the pain.) that's right. pain.
as a child my parents would subject me to a variety of punishments for things they thought i had done. one of these punishments consisted of strapping me to a chair and having a stranger gauge flesh from my mouth. this administer of torture was only slightly more evolved than a barbarian. however, large sums of money passed hands, which he must have utilized for the purpose of furthering his education in the 'art' of vivisection.
as a young child i vowed that someday i would return and kill this demon. the enamel was strong but, whenever i went to the dentist i would inevitably spit out pints of blood. and in return i received a small packet of pink pills for me to chew and show me where i went wrong.
lately, i've been playing with the idea of leaving my job. before that occurs, i need to have my choppers redesigned via medical benefits. so here is a list of thoughts i had while lounging about in the chair.
1. can rachel ray really teach me to cook a meal in 30-minutes?
2. ow, hey, that really hurts.
3. this would be much more pleasurable if oral sex was offered as part of the deal (with me on the receiving end as my mouth was occupied)
4. DAMN WOMAN!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME!!!
5. i hope these arm rests are sturdy because i'm taking them home with me.
6. are there really more nerves in my penis than my mouth?
7. is she laughing at me? i think i heard her laughing at me!
8. don't let her see you cry.
9. from this angle i think i could take her out with a well placed punch.
10. this woman and her weapons of pain must be removed to make the world safer for others.
the entire time this was happening i imagined the enamel disintegrating leaving me with a mouthful of dangling screeching nerves a la Ren. so...here's my advice to you. avoid the dentist, they are not to be trusted. invest in a cuisinart and drink you meals. you don't need your teeth, they're just there for decoration....and to display 'bling'.
as a child my parents would subject me to a variety of punishments for things they thought i had done. one of these punishments consisted of strapping me to a chair and having a stranger gauge flesh from my mouth. this administer of torture was only slightly more evolved than a barbarian. however, large sums of money passed hands, which he must have utilized for the purpose of furthering his education in the 'art' of vivisection.
as a young child i vowed that someday i would return and kill this demon. the enamel was strong but, whenever i went to the dentist i would inevitably spit out pints of blood. and in return i received a small packet of pink pills for me to chew and show me where i went wrong.
lately, i've been playing with the idea of leaving my job. before that occurs, i need to have my choppers redesigned via medical benefits. so here is a list of thoughts i had while lounging about in the chair.
1. can rachel ray really teach me to cook a meal in 30-minutes?
2. ow, hey, that really hurts.
3. this would be much more pleasurable if oral sex was offered as part of the deal (with me on the receiving end as my mouth was occupied)
4. DAMN WOMAN!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME!!!
5. i hope these arm rests are sturdy because i'm taking them home with me.
6. are there really more nerves in my penis than my mouth?
7. is she laughing at me? i think i heard her laughing at me!
8. don't let her see you cry.
9. from this angle i think i could take her out with a well placed punch.
10. this woman and her weapons of pain must be removed to make the world safer for others.
the entire time this was happening i imagined the enamel disintegrating leaving me with a mouthful of dangling screeching nerves a la Ren. so...here's my advice to you. avoid the dentist, they are not to be trusted. invest in a cuisinart and drink you meals. you don't need your teeth, they're just there for decoration....and to display 'bling'.
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