boy is my face red
so here are some embarassing moments in my life.
when i was in college i had what some would call "really long fucking hair". it reached, at one point to about an inch above my knees.
it was a bright and sunny day, music was trying desperately to blare through the static in my car. my money situtation was virtually non-existent. i lived by bartering nothing for free stuff at stores. (for some reason i was good at this). having no money resulted in having no air-conditioning. my father, being the cheap bastard he was, sold me his car sans everything. no tape-deck, no lighter, no AC....hell, if he could have saved a couple of bucks he would have opted for no rear-view mirror. point being, my air-conditioner was the rush of hot air breathed into my face from rolling down the window. now if you've ever had hair you know that air coming into the car will generally make a mess of your head. some girls i knew spent an enormous amount of hairspray and time to get their hair just big enough not to roll down the windows. anyway, in the heat, humidity and improvised cooling system, my hair had, unbeknownst to me, wrapped around the steering wheel a several times. how did i find out? well see, i was at this light making a left turn when my head started to sink beneath the dashboard.
a year or two later i transferred my ass to Rutgers (what a fool i was). now for those of you who don't know, Rutgers has 5 distinct campuses. (well, not including Newark and Camden). the distance between campuses is vast. given time you could walk it but generally you would prefer to drive or ride one of the many busses. both have their negative sides. driving means you have to park your car somewhere. while there are lots on all of the campuses, you can only get a pass for one. it's almost guaranteed you will have classes on two to four different campuses. and if you park anywhere other than the parking decks you have a 180% chance of getting a ticket. the downside to riding the busses is that they are always packed.
one winter i was on one of these stupid things, it was freezing out and i didn't feel like walking. at my stop i started down the stairs off the bus and some kid pushes his way on. i was the only one getting off so he could have waited. i assume he realized this because he stopped, but he stopped on the steps forcing me to squeeze by him. as i stepped off the bus into the pile of ice in front of the pole (where the driver had cleverly stopped the bus) someone yelled out my name. so i looked up, took a step, hit the ice and slid neatly under the bus. i considered laying there until the bus pulled off. the worst part is that now everyone knew my name. whoever it was that called out my name was nowhere to be found. the jerk.
ok, one more. for some reason i have issues with pants. i have an unjustified fear of my fly being down (openflyaphobia). so of course almost every pair of my pants has now justified this for me. this isn't what the story is about. one day i woke up and realized that i hadn't done my laundry in some time. what this means is i had no clean drawers (skivvies, knickers, underwears.....are knickers specific to women?) so i freeballed it. eh...i do that every so often. i walked around at work blissfully doing my business when i dropped something. i bent over to pick it up and heard that familiar sound of fabric rending. yep...full moon baby. i had to borrow a shirt from a co-worker to wear around my waist. oh so grunge of me.
ok, so now you know.
when i was in college i had what some would call "really long fucking hair". it reached, at one point to about an inch above my knees.
it was a bright and sunny day, music was trying desperately to blare through the static in my car. my money situtation was virtually non-existent. i lived by bartering nothing for free stuff at stores. (for some reason i was good at this). having no money resulted in having no air-conditioning. my father, being the cheap bastard he was, sold me his car sans everything. no tape-deck, no lighter, no AC....hell, if he could have saved a couple of bucks he would have opted for no rear-view mirror. point being, my air-conditioner was the rush of hot air breathed into my face from rolling down the window. now if you've ever had hair you know that air coming into the car will generally make a mess of your head. some girls i knew spent an enormous amount of hairspray and time to get their hair just big enough not to roll down the windows. anyway, in the heat, humidity and improvised cooling system, my hair had, unbeknownst to me, wrapped around the steering wheel a several times. how did i find out? well see, i was at this light making a left turn when my head started to sink beneath the dashboard.
a year or two later i transferred my ass to Rutgers (what a fool i was). now for those of you who don't know, Rutgers has 5 distinct campuses. (well, not including Newark and Camden). the distance between campuses is vast. given time you could walk it but generally you would prefer to drive or ride one of the many busses. both have their negative sides. driving means you have to park your car somewhere. while there are lots on all of the campuses, you can only get a pass for one. it's almost guaranteed you will have classes on two to four different campuses. and if you park anywhere other than the parking decks you have a 180% chance of getting a ticket. the downside to riding the busses is that they are always packed.
one winter i was on one of these stupid things, it was freezing out and i didn't feel like walking. at my stop i started down the stairs off the bus and some kid pushes his way on. i was the only one getting off so he could have waited. i assume he realized this because he stopped, but he stopped on the steps forcing me to squeeze by him. as i stepped off the bus into the pile of ice in front of the pole (where the driver had cleverly stopped the bus) someone yelled out my name. so i looked up, took a step, hit the ice and slid neatly under the bus. i considered laying there until the bus pulled off. the worst part is that now everyone knew my name. whoever it was that called out my name was nowhere to be found. the jerk.
ok, one more. for some reason i have issues with pants. i have an unjustified fear of my fly being down (openflyaphobia). so of course almost every pair of my pants has now justified this for me. this isn't what the story is about. one day i woke up and realized that i hadn't done my laundry in some time. what this means is i had no clean drawers (skivvies, knickers, underwears.....are knickers specific to women?) so i freeballed it. eh...i do that every so often. i walked around at work blissfully doing my business when i dropped something. i bent over to pick it up and heard that familiar sound of fabric rending. yep...full moon baby. i had to borrow a shirt from a co-worker to wear around my waist. oh so grunge of me.
ok, so now you know.
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